Can your relationships protect you from getting sick?

Do you also feel like everyone around you is sick right now? This time of year, viruses seem to be everywhere. One meeting, one hug, one shared cup - and suddenly you’re down with something. But here’s something fascinating: whether you actually get sick may not depend only on the virus. In a well-known study published in JAMA in 1997, researchers exposed healthy volunteers to a cold virus and then monitored who developed symptoms. Not everyone did.

One of the strongest predictors of who stayed healthy? The quality of their close relationships. People who felt emotionally connected and supported were significantly less likely to develop cold symptoms.

Feeling loved doesn’t just make us happier - it may actually make us physically more resilient. And this goes far beyond the common cold. Research consistently shows that people who feel loved and supported experience better cardiovascular health, healthier stress responses, and a lower risk of premature mortality. In contrast, chronic loneliness and social isolation carry serious health risks. In fact, research led by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and her colleagues found that the impact of prolonged social disconnection on physical health is comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day!! A lack of meaningful connection isn’t just emotionally painful - it has profound consequences for our bodies as well.

We are wired for connection. Our nervous system relaxes in the presence of warmth and safety and that affects our overall physical health.

But here’s the part that really interests me - especially in my work: Many people are loved… but don’t actually feel it. You might have a partner, family, friends, colleagues who care deeply about you. And yet, inside, there’s still a quiet sense of disconnection. Or longing. Or “it’s not enough.”

Why does that happen?

One reason is that we minimize love when it shows up. A kind message becomes “they’re just being nice.” A compliment is brushed off. Support is interpreted as obligation rather than care.

Another reason is that we expect people to read our minds. We assume they “should know” what we need. But unless we express our inner world, others can only respond to what we show them.

And sometimes, instead of allowing ourselves to be known, we try to become more “lovable.” We present the polished version. The competent version. The strong version. But if people don’t see the real you - your doubts, your fears, your struggles - it’s very hard to feel truly loved. To feel loved, we have to feel known.

So how do we cultivate that?

Start here: EXPRESS LOVE.

One of the most reliable ways to feel more loved is to actively love. Send the message. Make the call. Offer encouragement. Express appreciation.

Love is reciprocal. When people feel valued and seen by you, something shifts. Connection deepens. Warmth circulates back.

Not because you’re trying to earn love - but because love is an experience we co-create. We often think, “I’ll feel better when others show up for me.” And yes, we all need that. But we also have more influence than we realize.

Then, open yourself up a little more honestly. Not everything, not all at once - but instead of “I’m fine,” try “It was actually a hard day.” Small openings create space for real connection.

Practice listening differently. Approach conversations with genuine curiosity. When you help someone feel seen, you strengthen the relational cycle.

And finally, let love land. When someone expresses care, pause. Instead of deflecting, simply say, “Thank you.” Receiving is a skill.

The science is clear: connection protects us. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. And the beautiful paradox is this - the more we help others feel loved, the more love we experience ourselves.

So if you want to feel more loved, ask yourself:

Where can I open up a little more? Where can I listen more deeply? Where can I express care more intentionally?

Your relationships are not just a “nice extra” in your life. They are part of your well-being and physical health.

And that’s a good reason to nurture them.