Can You Choose Happiness - or Does It Choose You?
- elinor harari
- May 1
- 3 min read
So, I recently joined a webinar led by Deepak Chopra on cultivating happiness.
Now, most people know Chopra as a spiritual guide or meditation guru. But what not everyone realizes is that he’s also a trained medical doctor, a scientist with a strong science activity. And in this session, he brought a happiness formula that social scientists like Sonja Lyubomirsky and others in the field of positive psychology have explored for years.
The idea was that happiness isn’t a vague, mystical feeling we just stumble into.It’s something that’s made up of real, tangible ingredients. Luckily, we can actively influence them, and it’s not even that complicated.
Let me explain:
50% of your happiness is your Set Point
This is your emotional baseline. Basically, the mood you tend to return to, regardless of what's going on around you. Think of it as your brain's “happiness thermostat.”
And where does that come from?
Mostly, our early childhood. Babies are basically little sponges. Through a process called “mirror neurons,” they soak in everything from their caregivers: facial expressions, tone of voice, body language. When babies get Attention, Affection, Appreciation, and Acceptance (Deepak calls these the four A’s), they grow up with a more optimistic set point.
But if what they absorb is stress, criticism, or emotional distance, they may develop a more anxious, vigilant baseline.
The good news is our set point can shift. We can raise it through deliberate actions as little as reflective self-inquiry questions like:
Who am I? What do I want? What am I grateful for?
Yes, even asking yourself these questions gently nudges your mindset in a more positive direction.
Gratitude and Self-Compassion are also tools which help us boost meaning, agency, and yes, happiness.
Next up is your Life Circumstances with only (!!) 10%
I know it sounds unbelievable, but only 10% of our happiness is tied to external stuff like money, appearance, career, family status etc.Sure, when basic needs aren’t met, circumstances matter a lot. But once we’re safe and stable, more stuff doesn’t equal more joy.
This lines up with the famous Hedonic Adaptation concept - we get used to upgrades pretty quickly. A new phone, position or your dream body? Nice, but the happiness boost is usually temporary.
What helps more?
Cultivating savoring, mindfulness, and strengths awareness, so we can fully enjoy what we already have.
And lastly - 40% of our happiness attributes to our Voluntary Choices
Yes, almost half of our daily happiness is shaped by the choices we make, and that’s why this is the most important part in my opinion - we have 100% control over it.
This is the Happiness you can practice, whether it’s quick pleasure like food or entertainment, or deeper choices that align with fulfillment, like connecting with others, acts of kindness, learning something new or setting meaningful goals.
So if you’ve been feeling a little stuck, low, or just meh, remember that finding your way back to happiness doesn’t have to mean flipping your whole life upside down.
Sometimes it’s just about zooming in on one small thing - one tiny shift you can make, one strength you can lean into, or even just one question worth sitting with for a minute. This is where you can achieve the wonderful senses of flow or purpose.
Happiness isn’t a coincidence or a privilege reserved to some of us.
It’s a practice.
And it’s available - starting now.
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